monday blues

i don't sleep well in singapore. i go to bed tensed, i feel pressure not from work (not yet) but from countless little things around me. the intensity of this city wears me out. i wake up several times a night. it's too hot, it's too cold, something's never quite right. i drive myself to exhaustion with this lack of sleep and then i plunge into a deep slumber like the dead and the cycle begins all over again.

i'd always attributed this to jetlag whenever i was back for holidays. but this is not a home leave holiday anymore. i'm back here for real. the daily headaches that had haunted my early life had settled back in like an old friend. i had forgotten about them until one day i stood up and felt the room spinning. the familiar dull pounding on my temples like the drumbeat of my life.

i guess i'm slightly depressed today. it is monday, after all.

16 again

i’ve moved back to this brand new city that i used to know so well. it’s weird, this prolonged feeling of déjà vu. or perhaps i had slipped through a crack and into a parallel universe.

i am slightly baffled by this strange familiarity. nothing had really changed but yet i feel misplaced. maybe that is how alzheimer’s will feel like in old age.

i’ve been meeting up with old friends in the past week. yesterday, i had lunch with a classmate whom I hadn’t seen since we were in our teens. a really long time ago. miraculously, we had found each other through facebook. we gossiped a little about the other classmates that we’re still in contact with (him: 3, me: 1), updated on their marital/parental status and about what we have been doing the past years.

the best part was when we talked about the zombie game application on facebook and exchanged fighting tips and discussed which strategy to adopt to maximise our scores. it felt like we were 16 again!

perhaps i didn’t slip through to a parallel universe, but i am simply in a dream where i reside in the body of future me. if that is the case, i hope i won’t oversleep and be late for chemistry class. mrs. aw can be really mean and i am certainly not her favourite student!

but i already know i'm going to get a C for her class at the end of the year... and i’d always preferred physics class anyway.

homesick

i went to the quarantine station to visit the cat. she recognised me still, i was really touched to see. whoever said that cats have no feelings for their owners are obviously cat enemies. i really miss the purring furry creature and can't wait to get her out of her "jail", albeit a rather luxurious one.

while cuddling the cat, the quarantine keeper came by for a chat. we talked about the different cats he had seen over the years, with their distinct characters and behaviours. and how the cats really do resemble their owners.

how about my cat? i asked.

this one? he laughed and pointed to the cat nestling in my arms. this is a homesick cat!

i wondered if he was referring to the cat or her owner.