wednesday night at barlotti

nothing like a nice drink in a fancy bar to recharge my batteries. i was out in a trendy bar with a couple of girl friends and we were talking about the new consultant in our office. he was based here for the week to help evaluate some aspects of our business. and we think he's quite cute.

i looked up and frowned. my colleague turned around to see what i was looking at. it was the consultant. he was at the bar ordering drinks!

yes, it was him! oh but wait... he was with a blonde girl - probably on a date. c'est dommage! it's a pity, we were hoping that he'd be with his pals and we could join them. anyway, he didn't see us and we didn't think it would be a good idea to interrupt his date, especially when we don't really know him that well.

this morning, i mentioned that we had seen him and he actually blushed.

how adorable!

autumn

autumn is my favourite time of the year. i suppose it's only natural for someone who loves evenings and sunsets to prefer autumn. there is such poetic melancholy to walk amongst the grand trees sadly shedding their leaves.

i remember my first real autumn when i was in london. i ran around hyde park kicking at the heaps of brown leaves on the ground. the brittle crunchiness rasping against my shoes was a new experience for someone who had lived in green tropical climate all her life. the air was crisp and the sunshine streaming down through the bare branches was golden. it was a beautiful day that day...

last sunday was one of those beautiful autumn days. i was nursing a handover after a vodka night's out with the girls. lying in bed, i stared through my skylight at the blue blue blue sky. no, i can't waste a day like this! i stumbled out of bed and headed out to the park. it was a wise decision. the golden sunlight felt like honey on my skin and my throbbing headache subsided somewhat. they should prescribe autumn sunlight as a cure-all.

flu? here, have 2 days of autumn sun and you'll be up and running in no time. toothache? have a dose of autumn sun and no candies for the week!

i met a friend for coffee later that afternoon. we strolled around the neighbourhood. it was nearly dusk and the dreamy blue of the sky deepened. the day took on a different mood. more mellow, like a sigh of contentment after a long day of rewarding hard work.

along one of the narrow streets just behind academie francaise, i glanced up and saw the cresent moon behind the gnarled branches of a tree. next to the tree was a antique lamp post that had just gone on. i caught my breath: it was postcard perfect.

we went across the river and walked around the louvre. the lights had come on and the fountains were silent reflections of the glass pyramid. i could see jardins des tuileries through the glass. the scene was so calm and peaceful that all the gawking tourists seemed to melt away.

i wish i had my camera with me. i wish i had my camera to capture this essence of a beautiful autumn day to share with you. i love autumn.

fortune cookies

horoscope predictions always predict such non-commital things like "you will make great progress at work" or "the stone that had been weighing in your heart will finally be lifted" that i cannot imagine 1/12 of the population dashing ahead at the work place while the other 1/12 stand around lifting stones from their heavy hearts. one thing is for sure, the psychic who writes all these predictions must really make a fortune, pardon the pun. *ahem*

do you believe in fortune tellers?

to me, it was always amusing to hear and good for a laugh... something to be taken with a pinch of salt. i saw a fortune teller 3 years back, when i was back in singapore for school. i was at crossroads at that time: career, love, life, everything was unclear to me (not that things have improved by very much now) and when my brother said, why not go see this psychic. i did. i went along.

when i met her, she asked for my name and date of birth and started rattling off things about me, my character and my lifestyle. some of it, well, were really general run-of-mill things that anybody could have guessed. *sceptical* some of it were rather detailed and unique to me. *impressed*

it was strange. i suppose she was a good reader of body language, so that she knew to continue along the right vein if my eyes widen, if i smiled or if i leaned forward or any of the thousands of subtle signals i could have sent her unconsciously.

now, 3 years later, i cannot remember most of what she'd said. i didn't think that her words had any effect on the paths that i had chosen since then. the only single thing that i remember clearly is that she'd told me that i would live in 3 different countries in my life: the one where i was born in, the second for the middle part of my life and lastly i would live the rest of my life in the third country and die there. that was pretty un-nerving. it still is.

it's such a heavy responsibility: i need to make sure that my third home is the place where i am the happiest because that is the place where i will die.

come to think of it, france is the third country that i've called home. does it mean... no houston? does it mean... i will die soon? does it mean... ??? what does it mean, anyway?

postscript note on my transfer: hr is still trudging along trying to put a package together for me for that houston transfer, despite the fact that i have never said yes to anyone. i wonder which planet is everyone on? or is it me who is speaking a different language?

pairs

many good things in life come in pairs. like a beautiful shoes. one shoe doesn't have much meaning by itself, but put its other half next to it and the pair immediately transforms into a promise of a slow rewarding walk, or a possibility of an exciting night out.

likewise, sunglasses comes in pairs. all the better to shield my eyes in the summer sun. i can discretely check out cute guys along narrow parisian streets, while maintaining the semblence of mysterious cool.

other favourite pairs of mine include:
a pair of jeans that hasn't been washed since i bought it,
a pair of indian earrings that i put on before going out for the night,
a pair of chopsticks for my sashimi dinner *wasabi*,
a pair of dolphins that swam up to say hi when i was in iceland,...

last night, however, i didn't think very much of pairs (partly because i wasn't a part of one). i turned up at a party alone. nothing wrong with that, i'd already met a few of the people and the host is a dear friend.

bring someone along, she said to me, and i could have called him, him or even him but i didn't bother to. i didn't feel like seeing any of them that night, and besides, i figured it was a good opportunity to meet new people.

unfortunately, the party was one of those paired parties, you know, the sort of party where everybody turned up with a partner in tow and they kept pretty much to themselves all night. fortunately the drinks were flowing freely and i found a good friend from bordeaux, 2002.

we make a good pair, my bordeaux 2002 and i... except for the tiny inconvenience of waking up at 3 in the afternoon with a massive pounding headache. but yeah, like i was saying, many good things in life come in pairs, don't you agree?

sleep

i've been doing a lot of that lately.

maybe it's the change in weather. the leaves are turning and the skies are grey... it is dark by the time i leave the office. my apartment is freezing cold and no amount of heating seem to have any effect. a loft on the top floor is a diabolical place : an ice cube in winter and a furnace in summer.

in school, i learn that chemical reactions slow down by 50% when the temperature drops by 10 degree celsuis. our bodies are a vessel of chemical reactions: our brains fired by electrical impulses, our digestive system run on acid, oxidation is just another word for aging. from 30degC in singapore to 10degC in paris: it's no wonder that i'm performing at only 25% capacity these days. possibly much less if you consider the fact that i am largely solar powered. the weak sun streaming through the grey clouds does not give me the vitality that i need.

strange, i see the same slowdown in the cat. is she a mini chemical reactor like me? or is she merely a reflection of my mood?

thoughts after trip

bread and coffee

in the week when i was in singapore, i had actually squeezed in a 4 day visit to ho chi minh city. i know, i was in hanoi just last april but honestly, vietnam now has a special place in my heart. i think i fell in love with its history: so rich with culture and tradition in ancient times but yet so tragic in the past century. its people have been so admirably resilient through such difficult times.

ho chi minh city was, well, a typical bustling asian city - polluted and chaotic traffic and people everywhere. i could still see the residue of their french colonial history: french architecture along the main streets dotted with french restaurants.

i think the best heritage from their colonial masters is the french baguette that you can find everywhere. the freshest softest baguettes that i have tasted. ever.

and the coffee. don't even get me started on the coffee... thick strong powerful potent liquid that brings left me zinging all day. *zzzzzing!*

i could live in vietnam... i really could!


religion

still on vietnam, when i was there, i visited a temple of cao dai, which is a religiion that had been established in 1926, or thereabouts. it's basically an amalgram of 4 main schools of thoughts: taoism, buddhism, christianity and confucian teachings. at least, that is what i remembered from my guide. it is now the 3rd largest religion in vietnam and has followings all over the world.

it has never occurred to me that there is still room in this world for new religions. of couse, thinking about it now, we do get the crazy cults and doonsday sects popping up in odd corners of the world. but a whole entire religion, hey, now that's way beyond a measly little sect!

now, what will i include in the doctorine if i were to create my own religion? hmmmm...


size does matter

as usual, whenever i make that trip back to asia, i am amazed at how small singaporean girls are. i'm 1.63m tall, which according to the national survey some years back, is the average height of the female population in singapore. i don't wear heels when i'm back for holidays - a pair of worn out flipflops is my preferred footwear in the tropical climate. but as i wander around the shopping malls, squeeze myself onto the subway trains and sit patiently at bus-stops i could not help but have the impression that women are shrinking in my home country!

i'm not referring to their slim slight builts (that make me feel like a sweaty beached seal), but the actual lack of heights.

i didn't remember towering above the masses of girls when i was in school. i was always unglamourously labelled as "average". what has changed? i measured myself again, no luck, i didn't grow taller suddenly. puberty, thank goodness, is ancient history.

but what has happened to the girls in singapore? malnutrition? are the girls starting to diet so early nowadays that it has seriously impeded their growth?

did it seriously impeded their intellectual development too? what's up with this self-infliction of dietary restriction. what a waste!

remaining hours in singapore

i went to the temple of the goddess of mercy this afternoon. i don't really know exactly how i started going to the temple, my family had never been very big on religion. i'd always joked that it was durng the year when i was back for the mba course - i would say my prayers at the temple just before exams. a little divine intervention wouldn't hurt!

now it has become a ritual for me to go to the temple whenever i am back for holidays. i picked up 3 sticks of incense, lit them and offered my prayers to the goddess. as usual, i prayed for happiness, health and wealth for my family and loved ones. today, i also asked for the strength to make the right decisions and the clarity of mind to remain true to myself. last of all, i asked for the feeling of contentment. not the fleeting sensation of happiness, but contentment with who i am and to be thankful with what i have.

as usual, today, the temple was caught up in a fervour of activity: noisy, crowded and busy. there were no chairs to sit on, no dark corner for quiet reflections. the smell of burning incense invaded everywhere, tickling the nose and throat with its heady smoke. there were worshippers shaking containers of thin wooden fortune sticks, worshippers on their knees praying, worshippers clutching bunches of lotus flowers, worshippers rushing about in their mysterious prayer rituals.

but the strangest thing was that i found calm and serenity whenever i am in a temple. that, i think, is the greatest reward for me when i go to the temple. everything else, all the bustling activies around me, just melts away... peace in the midst of chaos.

and as usual, it was the thin wooden fortune sticks that fascinated me. a worshipper would kneel down with the container of sticks and shake it until a single stick escapes and falls to the ground. a number is written on each stick. he would collect the fortune slip that corresponded to his number and decipher its riddle. these riddle fortunes are catagorised into 3 main groups. good fortune, bad fortune and neutral. after reading it, the worshipper proceeds to burn it. afterall, these are private messages from the goddess. nobody else needs to know.

i didn't shake the fortune sticks today. i needed to work things out myself, my way. i did not want to risk getting a riddle foretelling bad fortune.

in less than 24 hours i would be back in paris. at least the cat will be waiting for me when i get back, and i am grateful for this little fact. contentment.

it never rains but pours

i sit here, late at night in my old room at my parents'. the beat-up fan is whirling in the background, stordidly stirring the heavy humidity around like it had been doing for the past 20 years.

tomorrow, no, later today, i will board the plane back to paris.

conflicting emotions. i'm really looking forward to heading back home, but heading back means having to deal with reality. i am a happy optimist, not a realist. i don't handle reality quite so well especially when things are not going smoothly. i falter. i hesitate. i lose my way sometimes. i don't like that feeling at all.

a week ago, i was swamped with feelings of frustration and helplessness as i waited to board the plane at the waiting lounge in cdg airport. if you remember, the job situation didn't go as i was hoping and the cat had ran away. total disaster.

well, there was more. minutes before i boarded the plane, i received a texto from him. you know him, the guy who loves cats, the sweetie.

bad news. he'd texted me to say that he still thought about his ex, that he was still in a lot of pain and was not ready to start on a new relationship.

i read his texto, switched off my phone, switched it back on and read it again. i wanted to call him but i didn't. i drafted a reply but deleted it immediately. i felt sick. my intestines were gripped by icy fingers. the lounge area spun around and around merrily as i sat there, too weak to stand up. i wanted to throw up but my stomach was empty.

half of me wanted to hold his hand and give him a hug. i've been through the pain before and certainly did not wish for anyone whom i care about to go through it alone. that was the soft side of me talking. the other half of me just wanted to scream at him and give him a good shake. wake up!

last call for boarding. i finally switched the phone off and went on the plane. for the next 12 hours, i scrunched myself up into the cramped window seat and bit back my tears. no, i refused to cave in and cry. first the houston transfer, then the cat disappearance, and now my sweet guy was leaving me. i refused to admit that it was the end of my little world. i squared my jaw and absolutely refused to shed any tears at the start of my holiday.

why? why was it happening to me? why did everything bad just come together at the same time? is this really happening to me? i don't even know what to do anymore. what's happening to my life?

well, my holiday is almost over, i have to deal with reality once again.

online resume

houston, we have a problem. frozen ananas still doesn't want to relocate her fat ass over to our beautiful city.

i am starting to search online for job alternatives, as a safety net, just in case BIG GUY decided to inflict violent damage to my future career prospects in the company. i'm posting my resume online to see how many job offers i receive.

***********************************
(originally posted as a comment on mcblogger's post entitled job opening.)

curriculum vitae

name: frozen ananas

special power: ability to teleport to locations around the world, especially holiday destinations including but not limited to ski mountains, tropical islands and historical sites

nemesis: not to be disclosed

world domination motivation:
1. half-naked men slaves to execute laundry duties, including ironing and sewing of lost buttons.
2. freedom to slap irritating people around and yell at them
3. unlimited vodka consumption

other useful information:
1. looks extremely sexy in spandex and synthetic leather
2. proven record of evil inclinations

***********************************

so, any interested takers?

found

the cat has been found!

after some rough living in the hostile wilderness, she slinked back to the cat sitter's. her cushy apartment life did not equip her with the necessary hunting skills for survival. i have to admit, i am rather relieved that she is so utterly useless - such a bimbo cat. i can't wait to get back to give her a big hug and a fat kiss!

thank you for all your concern and well wishes.

*purr*